No Big Deal, A Perspective About My Experiences in India

My No Big Deal Situations

May 10, 2010

. . . about 12 kilometers (about 7.5 miles) from the town of Chamba in the Panj-la Valley in a village called Chadiara

. . . . . . my being a loner does not help matters much

floating about throughout the day doing my own thing , out of their way , keeping myself with things to do , staying in my room , sleeping 9 – 12 hours a day , meditating , praying, sitting on my verandah watching the scenes in front of me as if they were a movie I was watching or just looking deep within my own thoughts , reading books, magazines , newspapers

matters –

getting to know the family well . . . how farm is operated . . . how organic is perceived here . . . knowing about their background . . . knowing about their blessings – hardships – trials . . . learning how to cook . . . schooling of any of them . . .

family

father , Prakash – mother , Sneh – eldest son , Nitin – eldest daughter , Phalguni – son-in-law , Naveen – youngest child son, Vinayak – only grandchild daughter Rupashi

I woke up this morning at 4:00 a.m. Today begins my countdown to the day that I leave here which is Sunday, May 16. From last night I go to bed at 9:00 / 10:00 p.m. and wake up by 3:00 / 4:00 a.m. I got my jeans and long sleeve warm pullover on. For some reason I felt I had to go through my clothes and shoes to see what stuff I can leave behind. When I gathered all my shoes I could not find my closed Columbia shoes I had bought just before I left home. I could not, for the life of me, remember where I had last seen them. All I could think of was that I had left them in some room I had left behind, never to see them again. Oh well, I thought to myself, I guess that can be an expense as to how much this trip cost me. Them, along with my UV filter and lens cap for my camera that along the way here in India I have lost possession of. Having resigned myself to no longer having those shoes I had an idea of looking in the shoe closet here at the Hut to see if somehow they had gotten in there.

After doing this and that I finally sat down to meditate at 5:20 a.m. I told myself that I would go down to look for my shoes after I had finished meditating. My mind still races everywhere while I meditate but I keep bringing my mind back to love, peace, calm, impermanent – everything is impermanent. If a teacher were able to get into my meditating head, I’m sure I would get an “F” For me, right now, the mere fact, no, take that back, the mere act that I’m doing it is sufficient for me. It helps me to be ever mindful of where I want myself to be in how I deal with the world and all that is around me. These last couple of days I’m just concentrating on keeping my body still – once my hands are placed, once my feet are placed, once my eyes are closed, once my head is gazing forward — all of that , keep it in that position, do not move any of those parts. Focus my brain towards the area between my eyes, look at my nose, think only of breathing normally – in through the nose, out through the nose. Think only . . . think only . . . in . . . out . . . in . . . out . . . just think of breathing. Ah, how I wish I could. My mind! Will it ever stop having all these thoughts coming into it? There are moments in each session when there is actually a time period when no thought is conscious to me, I see a white slate before me and I feel so calm. I pray that someday I will be able to have a whole hour, if not more, filled with such quietness! Perhaps then I will be able to meet with my spirit within and converse with it purely.

After meditating, as I promised myself, I went down to the shoe closet to see if my dear sweet comfortable and not cheap Columbia shoes, the ones I planned on wearing home on the airplane were there. Eureka! They were there! I don’t even remember having worn them while here at the Hut but I guess I must have. It was probably a cold morning and I had worn them to go out past the house, I had taken them off down there where everybody leaves their shoes before walking within the house and somehow forgotten all about them. Not usual for me but Thank You, God, for them not being gone out of my sight forever. By the way, can my dear reader sense a great deal of “attachment” I have to these shoes? I’m not supposed to be doing that if I want to live a life on the path of enlightenment. It’s one of the causes of suffering and boy was I suffering this morning when I had thought I no longer had those shoes to ever wear again.

I began the rest of my morning with the intent of getting up to date with my journaling. As you can see from the first page I was rambling about what little I did know about the family and this house I’d been living in for almost a month. I was into remorse about my habits and there not getting me into any familiarity with these subjects. After about an hour I decided to go down to the kitchen in the hopes that Sneh and others would be there getting breakfast ready for the twenty plus people now staying at the Hut. I was rewarded with not only Sneh being there but she was making potato stuffed paranthas. They are so good. I asked her if I could have one. I didn’t want to take one before it was actually breakfast time but in fact they’re cool about people asking for what they want regardless of whether its the right time or not. Sneh cooks her potatoes, mashes them, adds chives and onions to the mix. She takes a ball of this and puts it into a round of paranta dough, wraps the dough around this ball, then rolls it out. She puts this round pattie on a hot grill, browns one side, spoons some oil on the top side, turns it over and spoons some more oil on the other side, browns it a bit more and flips it one more time. Done! Truly a comfort food for the masses, if I do say so myself. I sat by the fireside and her while she cooked one after the other. Not only did I have one but I had two! Along with two cups of chai (aka milk tea).

I was happy to sit with her while she worked in the kitchen. It was what I had hoped for when I went down there because I wanted to have more time with her to be able to spend time with her in the hopes that I would learn more from her. I think she doesn’t understand my English completely so sometimes when I ask her a question I don’t get an answer to that question but to the question she thinks I have asked her. When she cooks, she doesn’t tell me what or why to what she is doing, nor does she tell me what ingredients she is adding to the dish. She said she learned how to cook by watching. Watching . . . I have heard that many fine artisans have taught their apprentices this way. No words are spoken. It is up to the apprentice to find out how the technique is done, what tool is used, what material is chosen, what finish is applied, etc. etc. etc. I have never had to be in a situation like that so with the understanding that I have of that scenario at this time it seems like an impossible task. I am not in that situation nor do I have to be so to be able to accomplish that is a mystery to me. I’m having a hard enough time trying to figure out what spice she added since I can’t see the container it came out of nor can I determine what spice it is just by its color or texture. That fact alone tells you how poor of a cook I am.

“So, Elder Sister, what can you teach me about life?’ I asked Sneh. The first week I was here she felt sorry for my stomach upsets and told me that she had no younger sister and she felt like I was her younger sister. With that in mind I decided I would approach her so that I could learn more from her. Her first response was that women are all different, some go out to do work, some stay home to do work, some do no work, everywhere all women have had different life experiences, different family experiences, different home experiences, no where are there any woman alike. She would not be able to teach me anything. After a moment, however, she said “In the family, a woman is to compromise, it is a woman’s job to see to it that there is no disturbing in the family, a woman’s job is to accept.” I told her that my ayurvedic doctor had said something along those lines and had added that for a woman to do that it is actually part of her spiritual growth. Sneh agreed with that.

One day, I’m sure as Cara says she wants to be married and have a family, I will be a grandmother so I asked Sneh, how she is as a grandmother. Does she remain quiet and allow her daughter to work with her granddaughter, to correct her when she needs it. Sneh told me that everyone watches over her grandchild and tells her when she needs to be corrected. I think that is a good thing; it takes a village to raise a child. I will add though that I saw her grandchild want to play with the peas. Sneh’s first response was to not let her take them, then she gave in and allowed her grandchild to have the peas. Her grandchild played with the peas, spilled them on the floor and what Sneh did with those peas after the child played with them, I don’t know but I sense they went into the dish Sneh was planning to use them in before the child played with them. Now, from my perception, that is not correcting the child but giving her free rein; after all who wants to eat peas when you know they have been played with by a child’s hands and have fallen on to the ground?

I sat there watching her cook, sitting by the fire, making parata after parata after parata. She had a big bowl of dough before her, about 12” in circumference and 6” deep and it was full to the brim of dough. To cook all that dough, to feed the twenty plus people anxiously awaiting their breakfast that was to be served in less than an hour, she had only one grill pan (the same kind I use to make Swedish pancakes but a little over half the size) on that wood burning stove. I thought she could make those things so much faster if she had two grills but then I thought, that’s my perception, when in fact what she was doing was perhaps more meditative for her than a chore. That too is my perception but she looked so calm sitting there, legs crossed next to her stove, one like that, that has been used for hundreds of years.

As I sat, breaking small pieces of paranta from my whole and eating a little piece at a time, keeping quite most of the time, seeing the hustle and bustle of those around her getting all the little things ready for the meal to be served in such a short while, I tried to think of things I could say to her or questions I could ask her so that I could learn more from her. I was not successful. When I spoke to her I could see that she stopped or paused her preparations and I thought that was not a good thing, that I was disturbing her so that made me be silent also. I came away with not much more information from her about her, her family, her home, her house. Well, that is something I am going to have to learn how to do. I need to ask God to show me how. When I got up to leave, I bowed before her and said “Thank you, Elder Sister” and left the kitchen.

When I left the kitchen I asked for a pot of tea so that I could take it up to my room and have while I continued my writing, now having fed myself with human interaction I had my energy to burn for continued writing. I got up to my room and as I went to my laptop, no light. Ugh! While I was in the kitchen the lights had gone out. I had forgotten that when I asked for my pot of tea! No electricity , no work on my laptop! This happens a lot here at the Hut! I think there should be a price reduction on the days when there is no electricity, especially for those that are staying here for the purpose of being able to write such as myself! Yes, I do know that I can use my laptop on its battery but the fact is, my battery doesn’t have a very long life. When it is fully charged, indicating 100%, its life is actually only about 2 ½ hours! Bum deal I got because its written specification said it had about eight; probably without anything running on it.

Not able to write, a cup of hot tea in my hand, I decided just to go outside to the front lawn to mingle with anyone that crossed my path. Neha, the television producer happens to be the one. We had a nice chat and she showed me some of her pictures on her laptop of some of the places her work has taken her. (She has an Acer laptop by the way.) While I was chatting with her she asked me if she and her crew could interview me for the program. I shyly demurred from the opportunity. The name of the show she is filming the Hut and this area of Himachal Pradesh for is called “No Big Deal.” I had told her earlier that my journey here is the antithesis of that title.

As to why my journey is the antithesis of the title “No Big Deal” permit me to explain. Many of the tasks I did to be on this journey were very big deals to me; many were done by me for the very first time.

1. 1. 1. Making the decision to go on this trip knowing for the length of time that I felt I needed to be on it that it would mean no longer having my job
      2. Deciding to go on a trip with no one to go along with me, something I have never done in my entire life, except for little short trips driving in my own car
      3. Going to a country far , far away that I have never been before and once again all on my own, and not knowing anyone in this unknown, strange, far away country
      4. Finding a connection here in New Delhi, establishing and maintaining that connection to assist me as I got familiar with India and some of its ways
      5. Contacting an ashram, an ashram, a holy place, and asking them about accommodations for the first leg of my journey after I had landed in a country never before visited, all by myself, with customs and a language I had no knowledge about
      6. Going out on to the streets of Delhi all by myself, asking for an auto rickshaw to take me to places I have never been before
      7. Getting on a public bus, asking if they go to such and such a place, getting off and getting to where I want to go
      8. Finding a medical facility to get exams and tests done
      9. Finding a dentist and getting an extensive amount of work done
      10. Asking how to go by bus for over a half hours’ journey and then finding my next transportation to get to my final destination
      11. Going to the major Inter State Bus Terminal (ISBT) in New Delhi to see if I could find what bus to take me to a course I signed up for south of Gurgoan, Haryana; dealing with the only Hindi signs, the calling out of the bus staff of where their bus is going and not understanding a word of it, the hordes of people, the stares, the filth, the looks of urine having been emptied in any nook and cranny, and the stench. Getting nowhere and yet going to still a few more places still trying to find a bus that will take me to my destination.
      12. Realizing that all I need to accomplish is being happy and at peace and that whatever the universe places in front of me to do, doing it while being happy and at peace is my purpose for existing.
      13. Realizing that “I” has been a major attachment of mine and that by eliminating my attachment to “I” and my ego my path to happiness and peace will become so much easier.
      14. Being told by Sri Aurobindo Ashram that I could not extend my stay there and that I would have to be out of my room with in 48 hours not having a clue of where to go next or where I might stay in the city
      15. Making the decision to leave Delhi and travel on my own so that I could see more of India, alone, with only a back pack on my back and a student pack as my daily bag.
      16. Getting rid of more than two thirds of the stuff I brought with me so that I would only have those two bags to continue with me as I traveled elsewhere on my own
      17. Arriving at a guest house in Vashista just outside of Manali only to find my room is up two very steep sets of stairs and is still occupied by people still asleep in the bed.
      18. Deciding not to take this Vashista guest house room and being yelled at by the owner that I have to take the room or he’ll loose money, that I’m arrogant, have no heart and continuing to be yelled at as I walk down the main street of the town with my luggage on my back and my chest.
      19. Deciding to go to Chamba, a non tourist place, 18 hours by bus from Manali, not having any knowledge from anyone or anything about Chamba other than what I read in India Lonely Planet
      20. Calling the proprietor of Orchard Hut and deciding I would stay at his home after learning that I had to walk up a mountainside, “only a half hour walk, a little walk” the daughter of the establishment told me to my face. “Open to all, attached to nothing.” When I learned I would have to walk up to the Hut, my initial thought was to say forget it, I’m not going but that would not be living up to “Open to all, attached to nothing.” Regardless of what I wanted to do, I had to push it down and say yes, I would walk up that hill to get to this farmer’s guest house out in a peaceful rural valley.
      21. The final Big Deal – deciding to let Orchard Hut be my last place to visit while in India so that I could be responsible for nothing, so that I could enjoy nature. I decided to stay at a place for a very long period of time just to be able to have an opportunity to not be on the go, see something new, experiencing another piece of India, getting in another mode to transportation to take me to my next leg of my journey. Here I could sit and watch, meditate, write as much as I wanted, give myself time to not have my mind full of all that I could be doing, needed to be doing. Back at home I do not take the time to be in nature enough so here in India, I would take in nature, let its energy feed me. I know my spirit needs nature’s energy to feed me; it is one of the energies I’m deficient in.
      22. The Finale of all Big Deals is deciding that for me to stay at the Hut I would challenge myself to walk these mountainsides. I told myself that I would have to gain another perspective of them so that I no longer thought it “asinine” to desire to trek.

Dear Reader, I have failed the last one. I am almost ready to leave the Hut and I still think it asinine to want to live on these mountainsides. “No Big Deal” the locals would say to these mountainsides! Bah, Humbug! Is what I have to say to all the locals and to trekkers everywhere! I am here to attest to all “That it is a Big Deal!” It seems too difficult to me to live this way. To do anything away from the house one has to walk down a mountain and to get back to the comfort of one’s own home you have to walk up that mountain. It’s steep, there are some pretty big stretches those legs have to take! All the items in your home have to be carried on someone’s back, washing machines, refrigerators, toilets, sinks, to name a miniscule amount. Nope, nope, nope.

May 6, after being here almost three weeks, I finally walked away from the house and on to a path. (well, not the truly first time as a week earlier I had gone past the pool to take that path as I had been told that walking up that path I would find some lovely views and a nice flat area along my walk. I was easily dissuaded by the very narrow path I saw before me. I will call that path a sheep path, it is so narrow and right along side a steep overhang to my so very immediate left. No, not for me! Definitely asinine! (so sorry, all you trekkers!) The path I took? The only one I knew. The one that I had come up on. I knew I needed to walk down it to go back to Delhi so might as well try walking on it. Its path was better worn and made out. I knew it was the only safe path for me that I could be sure of as I had already had experience on it.

I know that to use the word asinine is a very strong word and I actually find myself hesitant to verbalize or write the word but it is truly what I feel deep within myself when I think of wanting to walk these steep paths. I hesitate to use that word because I know I have judged someone’s way of life in a negative way, a put down. I do not mean for it to come across that way as I am completely aware that another’s way of life is what they are comfortable with and enjoy doing. I am totally unfamiliar with having to walk and exist day to day with steep walk ways such as this. I know if I had been born into this mode of getting around I would find nothing at all asinine about it. I asked Vinayak, the youngest son of this house, what he thought about having to walk up and down these 60 degree paths and he said it is all he has known so he doesn’t even consider it to be a bother. In fact he told me that when he is in a hurry he can get to the road in five minutes! (Dear Reader, let me tell you, it takes me an hour just to get down to the road. How the locals must get a good laugh out of the sight of me!)

This morning when I was sitting in the kitchen and talking with Sneh as she cooked, I asked her if she has ever thought of building a house closer to the road where she doesn’t have to walk up this hill, thinking that one day it will be harder for her to get down and up this mountainside, maybe even impossible, for her to walk down and up it anymore. She told me no, that it was too noisy by the road, that was all she had to say. While she said no more, I thought back on the fact that she has had a heart surgery and a few other serious surgeries, that she has never walked to the trekkers hut above her home in all the years she has lived here, that she has told me that she finds it difficult to walk up the hill, that she might leave her house at the most once a week, usually maybe only twice a month . . . and yet she has no thoughts of a house elsewhere but on the side of this mountain where everywhere one turns is a sixty degree angle. All around the house the land is either up or down, no flat area anywhere. The house itself rests flatly on the land because of all the removal of land that must have been done before the house was even laid down.